Blog - Barbara Teicher - It's HOW You Say It

It’s not WHO you are, it’s who you ARE that counts.

 What do you communicate when you walk into a room?  Do you brighten a room by walking into it… or out of it?

I am a 6’0” tall, gregarious brunette.  That, in and of itself, makes a difference.  But are these the kind of differences we want to be known for? Do these tell who we are? No.

I work with organizations that want to develop top-notch communication skills to strengthen relationships, create efficiencies  and impact performance.  That makes a difference. That is what I want to be known for.

In your workplace, are you making a difference, or a distraction?  Are you the one they talk about… until you come into the room?  If so, why?  If you know why, are you taking steps toward change?

Hall of Fame speaker, Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE, said,

“It doesn’t matter what you have to say, it matters what they see when you say it.” 

What is your reputation at work?  If it isn’t good, your actions won’t have the impact you want them to until you make a few changes.

You need to start by making a V.A.S.T. difference.  Not just in your workplace… in your LIFE.

VShow Value in them and their ideas –   Don’t “dismiss” them, ask questions and thank them, sincerely, for their suggestions.  Do you give the impression you’re playing favorites at work?  It doesn’t matter whether you think so, it matters whether THEY think so.  What’s giving them that impression? You say you love your family and relationships.  Do you spend time with them?  Do you show them you value their companionship, or do you make them feel they are taking you away from something “important”?  When you come into the room, are they glad you’re there, or endure it until you leave again?  Are you significant in their lives or do you just sign the checks?  Think about that.

AAppreciated and Accepted –  Everyone has a human need to be accepted and to belong.  Whether that’s on the chearleading squad, or the geek squad, we all want to feel that we are wanted there.  Do you make all the folks on your team feel like you’re glad they’re there?  Do you let them know you appreciate their efforts?  I don’t mean for every little thing they do but when they go above and beyond thank them personally, rather than make them feel that’s just an expected part of their never-ending job. At home, do you thank someone for making dinner, doing dishes or taking out trash?

“Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed sincere words of praise.”

– Sam Walton –

SSecure – Have you communicated with someone in a way that it built the relationship? Do they feel secure with you? Have you used supportive words and phrases and been yourself with them so they don’t feel you’re putting on airs or being insincere?  Are you being you, or “the boss?”  Have you shown THEM respect? Have you made folks feel secure in their team?  Do you have, and let them know you have, their best interests at heart when you are in meetings or representing them to upper management?  Having their best interests at heart is really having your own best interests at heart, too.

TTrusted – If you don’t have trust in a relationship, any relationship, they will never feel Valued, Accepted or Secure… Can they tell by how you communicate whether you trust them? Have you demonstrated integrity?  It is one of the Five Characteristics of a True Leader.

Peter F. Drucker: Austrian-born American management consultant, educator and author said,

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”

“It’s HOW You Say It”®  The question is, are you listening?

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